no fuckin way ?

right?

suicide grasshoppers brainwashed by parasite worms(!)*

so, sorry to keep everyone "waiting in the wings". i mean so much has been going on and there is only silence from me. no more, i promise- i mean there is so much i have to tell you about. AND, today i get the treat of blogging from work, an opportunity that does not often present itself.

firstly, let me mention the giant squid sighting (not to be confused with the yet unseen colossal), which happened yesterday. most important about this story is the fact that the *tenticle* of the squid was captured, remaining functional for hours after its serverance. wow. i mean, if we could just learn something from this tentacle, i'm sure it would be important.

secondly, mit is going to put the 3rd world back in first place with their new under 100$ laptops that are coated in rubber! (do they float in water? do they bounce?)

but most importantly, a new technique has come out for burial! in sweden, you can be freeze dried and then broken into fully organic dust! fairy dust? almost. apparently, this is the most ecologically safe way to decompose, and your fodder can become fodder for a new tree, bush or plant. choice.

the other day i saw a grand display of soviet kitsch, the leningrad cowboys in the total balinka show. mainly, i recommend this on the basis that soviet performance has highly artistic tendencies while maintaining the aparent wishes of its strict and rigid national ideologues. you watch this and you feel like you are on cultural acid, which makes you wonder what north korea holds for our imaginations in their elaborate rituals. and WHY isn't a new documentary coming out of pyongyong? the set highlights include cattle-skull-mounted accordians and sythesizers and the orchestra includes some kind of russian style mandolin, the name of that i have not committed to memory.

other highlights of the past week: there are these mysterious rich homeless looking girls that come into the boutique where i work and act totally insane. one, who i have comitted to memory, i must go on to describe: she was sloppy like a harlot, wearing a revealing, but sack-like white dress (expensive), flopping all over the place. have you ever seen tank girl? well, she kind of had the lori petty thing going on with her hair, but with a hipster/crazy old lady twist where she had teased up a pompadour and then braided the rest in little "i went to saint marten for christmas" braids. this is already totally atroscious, but to top it all off, she was wearing combat boots and really intense makeup. ####yet she commanded the store with the shopping confidence of a weathered jap####
"these bags are priced so well."
wow. speaking of culture fucking, i think this girl takes some kind of fucking prize.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

wait a minute. hot from my skilled toggle-browsing: some hacks at friendster are shining the light in my face and trying to get me to give up my buddy in exchange for some secret cheat codes. they are slapping me and throwing water in my face and forcing me to watch bad horror movies like children shouldn't play with dead things. stop it! actually, they are trying to trick me into giving away my very own secrets. they are so tricky! check it out! you can actually see who has been looking at your profile. who are these people??????? total randos? spies? secret stealers? well THEIR secret is out, mainly that they have been looking and i know where. here. those tricksters are giving away the stealthy of stalkers. but shit. it will only last until everyone figures out how to turn it off. but the season is ripe, my friends. look now while it lasts. so much information from these little machines!
*

llama gonna make you love me!

woah, viewerships are slipping. sorry to let you down, gentle reader(s???). who are you? what are you thinking? can i entice your eyes and hearts with any certain content, so early in our delicate relationship. do you want soul-cozy snapshots of me with my treasured pet? recipes? musical ruminations?? liz, help!

this link cluster has been shamelessly lifted from someone else's internet relationship functional platform, but i just want to help get IT out there: aaaa.....

one! two! three!

************************************

been farming a little bit again. if someone (i KNOW) reads this blog and wants to come with me to the farm, consider this a strangely missplaced invitation to chase turkeys out of the garden, jump on a trampoline, and harvest basil. they're cool folks up there and for some reason they want new yorkers to come up and help out. there's lots of secret places there.

H>O>V>A

***

so in case you all have been dying to be someone-someface else, your wish will come true. soon. (um, hello, michael, this might be the REAL THING for you)!!!!!!!!!
i mean, this (face transplant technology) is really important, in case any of you have seen such fine fare as abre los ojos, you would know just how important
[mike jones]
these developments will be for the human race. listening to our customers requests and dedicating ourselves to improving flow with efficient and intelligent design. (oh, sorry, that was some dribble from the cannon 2005 expo that didn't get filtered out)
congratulations to the cleveland clinic for [mike jones] their leadership in all medical technological advances- advances that place us at the forefront of the world's constantly changing medical platform!!!!!
i have been really busy lately which makes me think like time isn't passing when it is. i mean, [mike jones] its not 1994 anymore? truely.
luckily, in this dark time i have my friend at u mean competitor to keep me HIP with the fads and the news.
alex asks, "why is lil john so intense?" i don't know. why is everything so intense?
alex, do you like the pop you song by juvenile and ludacris? i think so. (it's not computer love)
am i hallucinating some soda pop flying through the air?, oh, no. that's something else.
nightclothes and headphones?
[mike jones]
has anyone been to the dresden lately? i have been missing the days of sitting in their fancy white booths which have now been highly mythologized in my memory (probably due to the incredibly drunk state at which i experienced them).
but, have been thinking of such surreal spots/ memories of la. fall in la can be really wierd. once, there was a blackout and then a sandstorm. while i was driving home, in the middle of hollywood, i saw a tumbleweed. and then a baby carriage riding down the street.
i feel like i need to invest in some kind of sythesizer or something.

***...***...***

feel the magic, hear the roar!

i just watched a guy do an - R&B - version of "i can't make you love me" by bonnie raitt on showtime at the apollo --- very awesome, lots of "runs."

tv is NOT awesome. i turn it off NOW... liz's middle school memories AND bonnie raitt conspire to remind me of this weird alpha male face-off that took place in my kindergarden class, between arthur lord and andrew laird. {{{ wait, that's a little heavy on the symbolism... it was more like a 'who has more girls who like them' thing }}}

anyway, andrew and arthur went around collecting names for who liked the mets and who liked the yankees (new york baseball teams), and depending on which team you liked, that showed which boy you liked. weird, right? since when do kindergardeners give a shit about baseball OR liking? there was a lot of nebulous childhood sexuality floating around at [progressive greenwich village school], in any case. i heard rumors in first grade that kate and anson (both rich WASPy kids) were having *sex* during recess in these big green boxes we got to play in. SCANDAL!

i had a friend, adam, who i had play dates with and i remember we once pretended to be two of the thundercats (lion-o and cheetarah, i guess) on a romantic date. i mean nothing heavy, but still. bottom line, progressive schools are dirty! oh, bonnie raitt reminded me of this because "let's give them something to talk about" was arthur's favorite song. he left the school pretty early because his dad had a breakdown and they moved to virginia. before that, me and this girl austen and him were kind of a tight little club on the school yard.

sorry about how link intensive this post is. i don't know what my problem is. i guess if you sit in front of a computer like a dork, you start behaving like a dork.

oo oo ooo o ooooooo

: in 1991, when i was 8, i used to ride the school bus for 2 and a half hours every day
: i went to school in east la, so the landscape of my journey to school had all these progressions into increasingly dilapidated neighborhoods, until there were no more trees and everything was flat and desolate and then i was at school
: there were also lots of hills so i viewed each hill as different country for its own particular characteristics (cliff country, woods country, desert country)
: i had a really mean mexican bus driver who was in his mid-20's - he would never let me off anywhere other than my stop
: he liked to listen to power 106 on the bus, so i listened to alot of early 90's hip hop these few years on the bus

: i also used to watch mtv all afternoon during this period of my childhood
: november rain was definately the most played music video
: other music videos that are particularly memorable at this time

• rush rush (keanu reeves debut)
• crying (debut of alicia silverstone where she jumps off a bridge- psyche out!)
• thats the way love goes
  
• and we can't forget such mtv events such as The Grind with recently sighted eric neese
  

: for my 8th birthday my parents bought me a tape player and my first tape - mariah carey emotions
: this was my favorite album for approximately 3 years

++++++++ +++++++++++++ ++++++++ ++

an ode to the highland park section of the bus ride:

tennessee - arrested development
it was a good day - ice cube
nuthin but a g thang - dr. dre
on a sunday afternoon - a lighter shade of brown
baby baby baby - tlc
poison - bel biv devo
live and learn - joe public
blame it on the rain - mili vinilli
diamonds and pearls - prince
damn i wish i was your lover - sophie b hawkins
i wanna sex you up - color me badd
baby got back - sir mix alot
i get around - 2 pac
everyday people - arrested development
good vibrations - marky mark
finally - cece peniston
if - janet jackson
rush rush - paula abdul
i'd die without you - pm dawn
november rain - guns and roses
i adore mi amor - color me badd

september in new york feels like winter in los angeles. winter in los angeles is awesome.

all your dreams will come true

all my dreams came true. but. now... i have a bunch of other dreams.

hello, i come to new york for 5 weeks, i arrived the 4 october
my name is antoine, i'm french from st tropez( south of france), i'm 27
i come for holiday, visit new york is my dream since ever
i'm looking for a nice place like you rent


i have taken to creating elaborate day dreams before i go to work to "soften the blow." this weekend i have been fantasizing about quitting, which i think i will do tonight (!).

ride it like you... STOLE IT!!!

i just need to get this out of the way:
i am a to-do list junkie. any kind of homemade list, actually. i make them
all the time! made in a flurry, then fallen behind a table, or ferreted away in a notebook. looking at someone's to-do lists could be more intimate than at their diary! can anyone give advice on turning a to-do list into doing?!


neil says i am the last one to hear about this, but in case anyone else is slow on the uptake, here is the most awesome thing: crying while eating.
ironic i was out of the loop on this one...
anyway, i'm getting the wanderlust. two people suggested we should move to BERLIN.

{{{ liz i wonder if you can guess who the second is, hint "worst idea possible"... HA!}}}

i'm sure i'm not the only one who wants to escape new york, and stuff.

anyway, what is it with that place?!?! everyone is totally ga ga over it. my friend will says it's "everything new york pretends to be, but for real!" i don't know if that's what i'm looking for at all, but the aspect of synth-punk, or whatever, could unleash my performative urges, like they did for him.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
so the other day, again, i got carded for cigarettes! this doesn't happen much, but i've been studying when exactly it happens and i've figured out key factors that lead to the carding:

1. where am i? in maine, i get carded a lot: is this because teenagers look older, more weathered by the elements there, or because people adhere more strictly to state requirements on carding, due to their no-nonsense maine-ah dispositions (take no guff!)?

2. am i sleepy or have i been crying? if yes, the slighly puffy eyes may promote a youthful appearance, OR a suspicious, ne'er-do-well one. or maybe shopkeepers want to make a bad day worse? in any case, ALWAYS get carded.

3. am i smiling? smiling sweetly prompts "can i see your ID [because your manipulative smile makes me think you are hiding something]"
high schooler tip: a subtle, absentminded smile allays ALL skepticism!

am i missing anything?


other thoughts today:

*the internet makes it frighteningly (wonderfully??!?!?) easy to incorporate other peoples' ephemera into one's own inventory

* hand crafts are (getting) really popular!?? i heard that at the bowery poetry club they have drunk knitting!!! i haven't knit since middle school, but i can learn again...

*i miss my family

* new age, hippy shit is also everywhere. everywhere i look, i see one of those tie-dye shirts, hell, i have one myself!!! each body is said to radiate a particular color aura (more noticable to those in on the astral plane). i think mine is slate blue, or maybe something unknown to physical sight, because some people have those, too. your fancies can change your color. so, everyone, practice picking up on those colors, and we can reach new heights of mutual con-passion! ha!!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

leader who, leader what?

so here is the wake up call (you might need real player?) for everyone to finally *really* get it that george bush is (?) the worst person in the world? come on, america, we don't want neworleansland in bad decline do we?


*****glass bottomed boats bring us a fusion of disneyland's "haunted mansion" and "the submarine ride" (so real! so terrifying!)*********mixed with the real life cowboys and indians battle of street thug drug addicts verus the dirty south militia men******* FEMA food rations as snacks and bugs as filler*********(can disease in society really become so apparently literal?) reality hasen't transgressed that far into satirical fiction?***********

it makes me really sad that we have leaders in this country that care about the people who live here and they have to go up against the fucking assholes that run this country into the ground. but big up to the mayor of new orleans for speaking his fucking mind. note to everyone who might have forgotten: we are only into the 9th month of bush's 2nd term (3.25 years to go!!!!!!). lets get some action together and impeach the motherfucker.

SOMETIMES late night sitcoms can cheer your day?

panties... glorious panties !!!

god love 'em!

dress me up 400 dollarZ

HARD AT WORK
l.e.s.
2005

(tenement i dare say not)

mix for today:
ghetto musick - big boi
cheree - suicide
drop it like it's hott - snoop dogg
gigolo- nick cannon ft. r kelly
millionaire - kelis ft. andre 3000
if i ruled the world - nas
the way you move - big boi
goodies - ciara
how will i know - whitney houston
h.o.v.a. - jay-z
unhappy - big boi
one two step - ciara ft. missy elliot
jesus walks - kanye west
bling bling - juvenile
oh... - ciara ft. ludacris
la gasolina - daddy yankee
slow motion - juvenile
jigga my nigga - jay-z
work it - missy elliot
rock your body - justin timberlake
it's getting hot in here - nelly
alive and kicking - simple minds
1st of tha month - bone thugs n harmony

for some reason i think that i am not allowed to play hip hop at the store where i work. i guess it doesn't go with the delicate aesthetic of derelict sheik (read dandy).