Wednesday, January 18

too much attitude - a little attitude = inevitable overcompensation for lacking attitude

i miss the days of summer when i would be v. drunk and still had an attitude that i could put forth about nyc that seemed at least a little sharp compared to now. i realized after having a good fun day, things have been left unchecked, attitudes brushed aside in light of sensitivity training. no more. due to unseasonably warm weather, my brain has discarded some of its winter cushion.

so to brush up on having good (sharp!>=drunk) attitudes about nyc, i came up with some ideas:

1. it is very wrong to enter someone's home when you have bed bug bites without prior warning and consent. so wrong in fact, it should be viewed as v. v. low social conduct and fines incurred.

2. i must post this potentially classic nyc story on the blog as relayed by s. r., occuring just a few days ago to a friend of a friend!!

this girl is dog sitting in the city and staying at the house of the people, who are out of town. the dog is a pretty big dog, a golden retriever, about 8 years old. so, the third day the girl is dog sitting, she comes home and the dog is dead. it was oldish and died of natural causes, so everything should have been ok to explain to the owners, but the girl was freaked out, and, not thinking particularly clearly ("i should call the owners and tell them that their dog died while i was out, and ask what i should do with it"), decided to seek out the only information resource that she could think of for dead pets: the ASPCA. so, she calls the ASPCA hotline and the conversation goes something like this:

girl: i am taking care of this dog and it died and i don't know what to do with it. what do i do, ASPCA?
call center personel: well ma'am, we do do dog disposal services, we will come to your house, take the dog, and dispose of it humanely and legally.
girl: ok, that sounds great. how much does that cost?
call center personel: it will be two hundred dollars, shall we come right now?
girl: two hundred dollars?! i don't have two hundred dollars! what should i do?!?
c.c.p.: well, you can bring the dog to us, and we will dispose of it and then it will only cost seventy five dollars. would you like to do that?
girl: but, how do i get the dog there? (ASPCA is far away in midtown)
c.c.p.: well you put the dog in a container or a blanket and you take a car.
girl: a car? i can't afford a car. i have NO money!
c.c.p.: well, then you can come on the subway.
girl: the subway!

so the girl frantically looks about the apartment for the proper recepticle, finally coming upon a suitcase of the absent family. she stuffs the giant dead dog into the suitcase and begins her journey to the subway. the dog is v. heavy and the girl struggles the whole way. she has to transfer to the f train and as she is struggling with the suitcase, looking totally freaked out (with a secret dead dog in a suitcase, you might be really freaked out about being in public), a young man asks her if she needs some assistance:

young man: that bag looks awful heavy, do you need some help?
girl: no, no, it's ok. i, uh, it's my responsibility.
young man: are you sure? i could just carry it for you up the stairs.
girl: (struggling up the stairs) no! i don't need your help! it's my suitcase, it's my responsibility. young man: what all do you have in there? it looks really heavy- are you sure you don't need help?
girl (i promise this is verbatum): my whole life ok? i'm moving, i have my whole life in here!

young man lets up, they both wait on the platform for the f train. a few minutes pass, the man is shuffling his feet about 10 feet away. all of a sudden, he dashes towards the girl, as though he were going to knock her down. he Grabs The Suitcase and runs out of the station, with her left dazed on the platform. he probably thought he was getting some fancy shit, man, fancy shit. hopefully to come soon: update! ok, so that was a pretty good story, right?

3. january playlist (haven't done this for a while)

oblivious - galaxy 500
when i'm gone - brenda holloway
i'll give my life - brenda holloway
the edge - david axelrod
south - chamillionaire
lonely boy - iron butterfly
sing me back home - everly bros
supresto - malcolm mclaren
down - chamillionaire
satellite city - orange juice
wait - shocking blue
falling and laughing - orange juice
baby you got it - brenton wood
kiss and say goodbye (manhattans) - og ron c
clean up woman - betty wright
it's hard to believe in love for long - tim hardin
dallas - silver jews


Post a Comment

<< Home