Monday, January 30

warm weather cold weather

so at my new job i work with a 2yo that is most likely autistic. i've never met anyone with autism, so this is all pretty interesting and new to me. i remember being in hs and watching a documentary on this woman who was severly autistic. she couldn't do anything and everyone thought she was brain damaged, until one day she put herself in the machine that they use to calm cows before they are slaughtered, and everything came together and she could be normal again (the machine squeezes the cow, which is calming and then they put some spike through its head or something). now this woman is a professor who designs human livestock quarters and likes to talk about autism. anyway, the movie is an errol morris documentary called stairway to heaven, and i remember liking it alot from my 15 yo perspective.

the human model

news review:

* human faces have changed shape dramatically in the past 650 yrs
climate change! it is 57 degrees in nyc today!
bird flu in humans confirmed in iraq

al qaida messages remind me of the where in the world is carmen sandiego computer game i had when i was 6

Friday, January 27

i spy

actually linda mcartney (sp?) spied this guy that looks exactly like our friend, stevee vee! wow, what a resemblence! steve, can you work a little bit on that back-to-front "deb*" wave? (* short for debonaire)

hot stuff!

other things that have been spied recently:

look! it's alex's silkscreen- "thank the heavens i have nothing, help me not to hate the ones i must destroy." now that's the spirit, old chap! don't we love how perfeclty *new york* this image is! (d.i.y. components: foxy young lady, bob, iced coffee, repainted walls, graffiti, unabashed nihilism, sunglasses, wheat-pasted art, *biting lower lip)

aside: my new job is working with 2yolds, so i apologize for the repetitive children's book- nature of the post.

what next? i spy my new bag that i made that is soooooooo cool. please observe the creepy birds of the fabric:

look at their glowing eyes!

my own personal index:
chances i think You will find a 100$ bill while living in nyc in the next 10 years: 1 in 5
chance that You will watch total recall in the next 5 years: 100%
number of schools that will have dance dance revolution instead of p.e., in west virginia: 753
cost of dance package/school: 740$
% of harlem nyers that have diabetes: 45
people in my family that have diabetes:3
people in my family that have found 100$ in nyc within 10 years: 1
: ???????
Doobie D?
what about me?

Thursday, January 26

when life gives you lemons....

Monday, January 23

new job ! ! !!

To NASA With Love

On with the space program,
Shuttles shall not cease!
And since you're taking citizens,
take my boss -- please

--Linda Thomas



hither & yon
bee stings
bleed pressures
from the head


woke to
a breath
damp burlap


a chest of


dry lips

Fried Egg

glaze of swollen
eyes false
teeth on anodized
steel links


Wednesday, January 18

too much attitude - a little attitude = inevitable overcompensation for lacking attitude

i miss the days of summer when i would be v. drunk and still had an attitude that i could put forth about nyc that seemed at least a little sharp compared to now. i realized after having a good fun day, things have been left unchecked, attitudes brushed aside in light of sensitivity training. no more. due to unseasonably warm weather, my brain has discarded some of its winter cushion.

so to brush up on having good (sharp!>=drunk) attitudes about nyc, i came up with some ideas:

1. it is very wrong to enter someone's home when you have bed bug bites without prior warning and consent. so wrong in fact, it should be viewed as v. v. low social conduct and fines incurred.

2. i must post this potentially classic nyc story on the blog as relayed by s. r., occuring just a few days ago to a friend of a friend!!

this girl is dog sitting in the city and staying at the house of the people, who are out of town. the dog is a pretty big dog, a golden retriever, about 8 years old. so, the third day the girl is dog sitting, she comes home and the dog is dead. it was oldish and died of natural causes, so everything should have been ok to explain to the owners, but the girl was freaked out, and, not thinking particularly clearly ("i should call the owners and tell them that their dog died while i was out, and ask what i should do with it"), decided to seek out the only information resource that she could think of for dead pets: the ASPCA. so, she calls the ASPCA hotline and the conversation goes something like this:

girl: i am taking care of this dog and it died and i don't know what to do with it. what do i do, ASPCA?
call center personel: well ma'am, we do do dog disposal services, we will come to your house, take the dog, and dispose of it humanely and legally.
girl: ok, that sounds great. how much does that cost?
call center personel: it will be two hundred dollars, shall we come right now?
girl: two hundred dollars?! i don't have two hundred dollars! what should i do?!?
c.c.p.: well, you can bring the dog to us, and we will dispose of it and then it will only cost seventy five dollars. would you like to do that?
girl: but, how do i get the dog there? (ASPCA is far away in midtown)
c.c.p.: well you put the dog in a container or a blanket and you take a car.
girl: a car? i can't afford a car. i have NO money!
c.c.p.: well, then you can come on the subway.
girl: the subway!

so the girl frantically looks about the apartment for the proper recepticle, finally coming upon a suitcase of the absent family. she stuffs the giant dead dog into the suitcase and begins her journey to the subway. the dog is v. heavy and the girl struggles the whole way. she has to transfer to the f train and as she is struggling with the suitcase, looking totally freaked out (with a secret dead dog in a suitcase, you might be really freaked out about being in public), a young man asks her if she needs some assistance:

young man: that bag looks awful heavy, do you need some help?
girl: no, no, it's ok. i, uh, it's my responsibility.
young man: are you sure? i could just carry it for you up the stairs.
girl: (struggling up the stairs) no! i don't need your help! it's my suitcase, it's my responsibility. young man: what all do you have in there? it looks really heavy- are you sure you don't need help?
girl (i promise this is verbatum): my whole life ok? i'm moving, i have my whole life in here!

young man lets up, they both wait on the platform for the f train. a few minutes pass, the man is shuffling his feet about 10 feet away. all of a sudden, he dashes towards the girl, as though he were going to knock her down. he Grabs The Suitcase and runs out of the station, with her left dazed on the platform. he probably thought he was getting some fancy shit, man, fancy shit. hopefully to come soon: update! ok, so that was a pretty good story, right?

3. january playlist (haven't done this for a while)

oblivious - galaxy 500
when i'm gone - brenda holloway
i'll give my life - brenda holloway
the edge - david axelrod
south - chamillionaire
lonely boy - iron butterfly
sing me back home - everly bros
supresto - malcolm mclaren
down - chamillionaire
satellite city - orange juice
wait - shocking blue
falling and laughing - orange juice
baby you got it - brenton wood
kiss and say goodbye (manhattans) - og ron c
clean up woman - betty wright
it's hard to believe in love for long - tim hardin
dallas - silver jews

Friday, January 13

natural history vs. taxidermy

my lovely friend martina has returned from her yearly luxurious journey to amsterdam and the south of france, where she read, enjoyed hash cigarettes, drank wine, and ate delicious cheeses. that's kind of what it is like to live there! martina and i became friends when i live in amsterdam, and has the enviable status of dutch citizenship. lucky her!
martina loves to do fun stuff, so yesterday we went to the museum of natural history and looked at all the wonderful taxidermied animals. as i have mentioned before, i love taxidermy, so trips like these are morally rejuvinating.

i also went to the premiere of manderlay, the new lars von trier movie with my brother. i have to say that i liked dogville better (this-manderlay- is second in the american trilogy), but manderlay is probably more important for a specifically american audience, because it has to do with slavery: why do americans never make movies about the end of slavery? i basically have no concept of the history of slaves/post-slave existence between the 1880s-1965. so it's cool that this movie talks about how complicated a social action ending slavery actually was (is).
i hate how lars von trier never gives an idea of how to solve problems, he just illustrates them well. in the end, we are basically given the message that america is a product of its irreversable history, and the best way to get out of the problem that is at all immediately attainable, is to leave. it's not very comforting to people who already see these problems and already have dialogues about them. i mean, i already want to leave.
the two main characters were at the premiere and talked: the girl, ron howard's daughter seemed pretty dumb and answered all questions phrased, "what do you think," "well i don't really know what i think yet..." which was totally annoying. the guy i think is french african, and made some good points including that the story of slavery/post slavery is allegorical for any post colonial reality, bringing up the recent paris riots and comparing the situation of the north africans in europe.
you should go see it though, manderlay- if you haven't seen dogville, you should see that even more. i mean, there are lots of lars von trier movies that everyone should see, but that's not really pertinent to this post.

slavery is scary and trying devour us like this big prehistoric fish at the NHM

Tuesday, January 10

the need to travel more seems obvious

i love the bbc because they publish stories with the proper sense of 1st world irony as any powerful country should. i mean, why can't the ny times have interesting international stories that show a little divergence from cnn-style headlines, like the BBC's" indonesians use bank ATM machines to make sacrifices?"

to change the subject, lately i have been listening to
nice old songs and pretending i live in another time/place. (this will help with ideas for designing my house) or check this out.

to change the subject again (lighting quick!), i was discussing whether havana or port-au-prince would be better to visit. if such a visit were to occur, would i be willing to abandon everything and stay there, in dilapidated not-first world ideological splendor, old cars and all? the image of a tin can full of water is reoccuring. good ways to daydream about such places:

watch the five obstructions and think about being the perfect human (btw, ga/stv one of you still has this)
*think about empty containers and what you could put in them that didn't cost very much money
*imagine the beauty of a space you could never entirely clean, think *PATINA*
*think with all your heart, about how wonderful it would be to be outside the united states
*ponder the concept ~~~castro~~~~

i am going to think about all these things when i go to work today (beloved boss had a little too much to drink, so i have to open the store). baby steps to

Monday, January 9

futureshock therapy 2006!

so, lately, i have been dealing with all of my friends' quarter life crises. people are *freaking* out and i don't understand why this is such a common problem with people i know. i was talking to my housemate sarah earlier about it and she seems to think that the current multitude of options and choices, combined with the unstable condition of world affairs is contributing to the existential misery of our peers, but i would argue that generations before us might have seen similar conditions without reacting the same way. why is it so hard to find a fulfilling goal these days?

i am reading this book that dear friend georgia gave me for christmas about dr. johnson's dictionary (the first comprhensive english language dictionary to be compiled). this book is amazing in many ways, but a part i find especially interesting is the discussion of johnson's meloncholic approach to intellectualism, especially his own intellectual goals, and this seeming similarity to people i know.

i find the status of the intellectual and literary/artistic class in pre-victorian england surprisingly depicted in a similar way to the way we talk about people pursuing these goals today. in discussing johnson's contemporaries that assisted in the compilation of the dictionary, hutchins emphasizes their low class/vagabond nature, as people could not yet viably make a living off of such flighty literary goals at the time. writers tended to live in a dilapidated neighborhood called "Grubstreet," where drinking, debt, and legal troubles were common. johnson, however embraced these "idle" and "worthless persons" in his company and they are likely to be a main source of assistance in his intellectual endeavor. this situation parallels the little-utilized talents of my friends, and their impoverished/self-loathing situation. a really great illustrative quote in the book comes from a lord macaulay:

"sometimes blazing in gold-laced hats and waistcoats; sometimes lying in bed because their coats had gone to pieces, or wearing paper cravats because their linen was in pawn; sometimes drinking Tokay with Betty Careless... they knew luxury; they knew beggary; but they never knew comfort... they were as untameable as much wedded to their desolate freedom, as the wild ass. they could no more be broken to the offices of social man than the unicorn could be trained to serve and abide by the crib."

dr. johnson is writing just before London began any type of industrialization, and perhaps this parallels our status on the brink of a radically changing world where technology is about to restructure most aspects of our lives (via free-market globalization). either way, making a living viably as an artist or writer would be considered absurd in both ages: dr. johnson lived in a world before a middle class and we in a world where the middle class is being erradicated (perhaps during our lifetime). so, yes, this is sad.

in hutchins' book, there is a whole chapter about meloncholy, apparently an affliction he (Johnson) suffered his whole life. one cause of this was the unbelievably daunting task of compiling something that would never be finished or feel properly accomplished. sometimes i feel this way when i am looking at the internet. there is no way for me to even begin to learn something comprehensive or similarly accomplish anything that is a good representation of what i know. johnson refers to his endeavor: "what ills a scholar's life assail: Toil, envy, want, the garret, and jail." is this what lies ahead? i have to say, my room is slightly garret-esque.

it seems like such capable people should be more happy with the contributions that they have the options to explore, rather than depleting from any sense of satisfaction with the envy to have an undefined "more."

i was talking to another friend the other day about what i spend my most enjoyable time doing, and my results creepily pointed to the internet. (the argument: where should i live if what i do in nyc doesn't really warrent living in nyc?) if we are defined by what we do, and increasingly, what we do is stare at and interact through media rather than "real life," it seems like the identity of our time would be plagued in a similar fashion as our friend dr. johnson. this book is awesome and perhaps inspiring, if you like to read about people in honorable mental anguish.

Saturday, January 7

drawing no pot fo ynotonom

tonight i am going to a drawing party with my brother and his friend donna. i am really excited about it especially because i decided yesterday, that i need to start my current art course slow with some drawings! and donna is a really good artist and she will help me think good things about art making.
i am attempting to give myself some structure these days though, since i only work 2 days a week. i am concentrating on a regimine of self perscribed schooling. for instance, i have ordered a bunch of exciting books from the nypl on such fascinating topics as MACRAME, organic architecture, class issues, and the european vanguard of painters circa 1904-1920.
another project that is promising is designing a house, as part of the expatriot club i am in. i am very interested in building my own house in the future, an idea that was sown in highschool by my friends in a-collectiv, an art collective i used to be in. my friends yutaka and andrea were really nice and introduced me to lots of cool stuff like used books from the 60's on all kinds of art, listening to 3-4 sources of music simultaneously (esp. mixing genres: jazz, talk radio, classical, and rock, for instance), trying out cool new psychadelic stuff like morning glory seed tea, and reading about the black panthers and MOVE!
anywayz, these guys kind of taught me how to live, so as of now, i am going to try my very best to do it right.

Tuesday, January 3

on the march...


HAPPY 2006!