snuggle my skuttle

so, i have started to live like a real live time bandit. by this, i mean i do all the things one would do if one were capable of time travel, but my real life time machine is not functioning, so i just spend all my time in addition to time i don't have. we'll see how this goes. i think i am going to work a 68 hour week. is that crazy?

last night i forayed onto the town with a number of good friends and a long lost love. if anyone thought that chugging beer in the bathroom of a bar with a bunch of friends has lost any of its charm since high school, THEY'RE FUCKING WRONG! it rules! there is no greater feeling than violating rules at over priced williamsburg hipster bars full of rich x-jocks. it also rules to drink walking down the street out of paper bags and by rivers. i hate drinking in bars!

eventually i found myself singing the jay z/little kim duet "can i get a fuck you" at hip hop karaoke. as alex might have hinted, reading and sharing lyrics is tre difficult when you are wasted, but luckily nic has extensive free stylin skills and always makes the best of the party when drunk.

another tip for nyc hangers outers:

+ IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO GO OUT WITH AN ALREADY DRUNK POSSE

first and foremost, the most important part of going out is making a scene. thank you to all who made it happen last night!


on another note, the worst part of not going out on a friday and saturday night is working and having every drunk man in the city try to pick you up on your fucking break. fuck off drunken men! i hate you!

i was meaning to send nic to germany with one of my favorite mixes, but the house elves had it snatched and unfortunately i have yet to make enough money to buy new cdrs. this, however, i think has turned out for the better, because i realized i should just post it on my blog so everyone has the opportunity to compile it.

so now, the mix will become a regular feature of the blog:


+ jessica - adam green
+ silver - echo and the bunnymen
+ vanity kills - ABC*
+ breath of life - erasure*
+ easy lover - phil collins
+ always - erasure*
+ look away - big country*
+ space age love song - flock of seagulls
+ call call - the faint
+ tenderness - general public
+ december 4th - jay z*
+ heather heather - the magnetic fields*
+ tell it to my heart - taylor dane
+ the promise - when in rome
+ toy soldiers - martika
+ its my life - talk talk
+ tonight she comes - the cars*
+ yous spin me round - dead or alive

******** ******************* ****** *******************

this week's hot quotes from men in the east village:
"will you take me home with you? [muttered] so i can ruin your life."
"if you stay here any longer i'm going to have to squeeze you." (um, hello, disgusto, this is not a compliment)
"....yeah i got a kid, he's 22, fucking drug addict crawling through windows. i ain't having no more kids.... unless its wit you, baby."

kaaareooki

«... современные субъективисты усвоили себе манеру изображать зиждительную форму [форму произведения, еще не воплощенную, но задуманную автором, -Ю.Г.] лишь некоторыми беглыми чертами, или, еще хуже, просто-напросто подменять ее каким-нибудь аспектом собственного малого «я»; и «я» это проявляется в проекциях относительных и фрагментарных.»

************************************

we went to hip hop karaoke last night, and made a killing... in a trainwreck... of OURSELVES. it was fun but it is hard to read the lyrics off a sheet of paper when your drunken friend sarah is swaying and bumping into you. just kidding, SA, your a princess among hoes. before that, we saw francis starlight, who sarah's been raving about for months and it was awe-some! i kept spouting all the performers he reminded me of, even though he did maintain hisself as a distinct entity:

#prince, with the falsetto and the feminine playa skills

#david byrne, with the strangely rhythmic jerky limbs, and the neck-snap hair-whipping

#james brown, with the footloose fancy feet and the gutteral exclamations and sitiing down at the key board, only to spring up again, posessed with the soul fever

#andre 3000, with the funky beats and the coy dissing of lost love!!
#some kind of robot manimal, with vocoded blips and electronic breakdowns...

sounds awesome, RIGHT? highly recommended. he's not really that famous, i don't think, so i don't know when he's playing next. on another note, yvonne came and it was delightful to see her foxy personage being, quite frankly, a hot witty mess.

in a sense, this is what we do

{{courtesy of the twisted mind of amy cobden... i miss her dearly!}}

consider: are you nostalgic
for the days when men were real men,
and they weren't afraid to cry
when the range got the best of them?

all the people who died, died

they were all my friends, and they died!

good things about living in a city

hi. today i am surveying the positive aspects of living in a city, because, you know, sometimes you forget to appreciate the more specific parts of your public life (!)
so lets make a list like our dear cowbell!
*i like to eat foods from different parts of the world! did you know that yogurt comes from eurasia?
*you can always find crazy people! for instance, the other day, i was people watching and there was a greasy fat sportswear clad 40 yo dude sweaty, leaning to one side, listening to headphones AND smoking with no hands! cartoon character i dare say not!
*you don't have to look at people but alternately, you can stare with no one noticing!
*drinking in industrial areas (la: alleys, ny: roofs) is fun! the other day i dropped a lighter from a 5th floor fire escape! falling lighters is so CITY!!!!!
the very best thing about living in a city though is being able to observe people and talk about them. this is especially fun in a city that is not fluent in your language, where the discussion can take place right in front of said specimen. did you know if you have a face tatoo, you can apply for state disability because you are considered legally insane for getting a tatoo on your face? they think you are crazy because you have sentanced yourself to a hard life of alienation and social dysfunction. i mean, aren't there tons of other less visible symptoms of debilitating insanity? i want my money back.
so, i am reading guns germs and steel, which has started to influence my dreams. i have been having lots of dreams of prehistorical americas and all the giant mamalids that used to inhabit n america (GIANT SLOTH! CHEETAHS! REINDEER!- not actually americas!!). i also had a dream about the flys that fly around the apartment. and about the inca empire.
pretty awesome. has anyone read the account of pizzaro's meeting with the inca emperor? catholic dude hands him the bible and atahuallpa throws the book back at him! now thats what i call conviction. i am interested in making some animal based mythological fiction. i'm thinking childrens books explaining the evolution of the disintegration of our political system and ecological well being. like the cartoons about europe pre worldwar II where russia is a bear and austria is an eagle. is anyone else interested in outsider mythological illustrated fiction?
back to all things city, i would like the opportunity to build a city from scratch. think about all the opportunity constantine had when he got to build his cities. or the pharoahs. now thats civic action. all you have to do is find enough people to move rocks. i'm thinking with good enough mythologies, i (we) could do this? i mean, when i think about what i do all day, i could really be doing something more useful with my time. pulling giant rocks with ropes would at least give me something to look on at the end of the day. or making plans to get everyone to pull rocks. especially when you think about what everyone else does right now at their jobs (is service really a job?).
what about crown heights? you can really apprecitate the mythology and history behind their outsider architecture.
today someone described the eyedoctor's skill similar to the skill involved in making burritos.
{{{{{{{somethingness-nothingness}}}}}}

get your memory gazettes here!

spectral capture of childhood anamnesis
"Her mind seemed wholly taken up with reminiscences of past gaiety”

yesterday was a big day. why?

*went swimming at kennebunk beach, fucking FREEZING
*then went 'bridge jumping' on the cat mousam river, like an f-ing teenager
*then went rope swimming off an ABANDONED railroad/AQUEDUCT.{sans culottes}
but then these teenagers rolled up in their brightly colored jams and i had to get my friend to throw down the granny bathing suit i bought at goodwill on the way there (picture to be posted later, when i return from the hinterland...).

this rope swing was literally 60 or seventy feet up.
it was so awesome. i cannot adequately express through this electronic medium how it feels to throw your world-worn body off a perilously high aqueduct buttress, when you don't even know how COLD the WATER is!
i can only hope you bastards have done it before.

well, i'm coming back tomorrow.
cool it down before i get there, will you!

aspects of ratio/perspective.

*so, when you watch a movie and there are all these layers, say a greenscreen is tricking you into thinking that the computer modified hero is flying through the air and his voice rings clear, "Here comes a candle to light you to bed, Here comes a chopper to chop off your
head. Chip chop, chip chop, the last man's dead. ..." while space and time are moving but the camera isn't, do you think, this totally sucks and i can't relate to this at all, or do you think, wow, that hero is quite heroic and able to do things that i would only dream of doing if i had the stamina, courage, and training to do so? i feel like this is how i see things every day (dreams crushed and rekindled with grander more delusional aspirations) and i would like some standardized spectrometer to gauge my lack of perspective/ depth of "creative emotional state". if only i knew how things were, i feel like then, at least i could say very wise things. like for instance, "the war in iraq is bad." or "people that make business deals with wal mart have sold their souls to the most evil spirit in the world and will pay karmaticly at some point in the future." this is not black magic i speak of (is poisoning of the mind considered magic? "my poisoned spikey wedding crown?" "my thick necked antler brains?"), but a more precise dictation of what occurs in the world. magical words. (language = technology of the mind = human progress? re: technology = progress/there are not other kinds of language i.e. language of the trees: you are not in MIDDLE EARTH) if we say that we are not worried about the end of driving/oil/severe climate change, mind over matter, right?
*this month in harpers there was an article about how we have mishaped our cultural values to be dicated by a false sense of beauty that we attribute to the meloncholic state (depression) and thusly need to redefine what we see as proper emotional values and responses. this, in effect, would imply drastic changes in what we considered good art, culture and ideas. the best thing about the theory is that our response to the world around us should be dictated by chemistry rather than the false ideas that our chemically imperfect perception has bestowed upon us like unhappiness. so, accordingly, no matter how fucked up things were, in a chemically perfect state of mind, things would always be managable and, in fact, good.
thinking positive, staying positive.
*i want to become a chemistry wizard who specializes in the high court of language. i want to form an army of avatars that will battle this thing we call reality. they will all have computers and simulaneously program creative new directions for the world while sucking creativity out of those who battle to stay in the real world. virtual death? what is life if you don't leave some lasting ideology? i mean, of all the wizards we remember, isn't it those who made us think something that we couldn't see.
oranges and lemons
you owe me five farthings
when will you pay me
when I grow rich
when will that be
i do not know
well, i'm going to go listen to some mili vanili and get in touch with my feelings.

nature has her secrets

so i'm still up here in ME. i went night swimming a couple nights ago and it was so deliciously creepy. lake weeds serpentining around legs and rapidly drifting mist. i love it! being afraid of deep dark water, above all things, i languish in the tingly terror of the unknown, like, simultaneously enraptured with the tranquil beauty of the silent waters. what lurks beneath!?!?




anyway, today is really rainy and foggy. later, we're going up to the farm for a bar-b-q. christine was all, 'earl, wont there be trouble grilling in the mist?' and he says, all quiet and conspiratorial, 'i have a grill in the woodshed.' SWEET!

i miss everyone!

dumb eyes

dear alex, i miss you very much and i wish that you would bring back one of the baby kittens, preferably the black one. or super chunk. or, if you're feeling adventurous, rusty the cow. sarah said she wants a kitten too. she says she likes their dumb eyes. i do too. you can view the love diagram to the left as a selection guide.
{kitten rapture}

vacationland

baby kittens baby cows baby bunnies baby berries. if only the hunter gatherer lifestyle were more en vogue. (sigh). i like the way lake water tastes.

something to think about while we're in transit...

choked in the open net!

me and liz tried to embark on the chinatown bus, northbound to the untouched, unspoiled, 'authentic' splendor of limerick, in southeastern maine. but, no! we were denied access. now i will go alone tomorrow, to those, my other stomping grounds. she will try to join me later in the week, because, oh yes, the call of the woods and the lakes is strong, stronger and stronger as the summer wears on. all is not lost because there are baby cats, baby rabbits, and a baby icelandic sheepdog up there, which, when added together, will substitute nicely for the exhuberant presence of my friend liz. as well as aurora my stepsister, and my father steve, and his girlfriend (grillfiend?!!??!?!) the fabulous christine sears.

what have we plannned for the trip (to recommence monday, bright and early)?
well:

a) photo projects (narrative and abstract, both), to be posted upon completion
b) night swimming/canoeing
c) lake-hunting (turtles, fish, sea snakes, lake snakes, freshwaters eels)
d) kitten-napping (in both senses)
e) art making (figure drawing, comics, creature stuffing, amateur taxidermy)
f) rain dancing
g) introduction of liz to icelandic puppy, temperment and appearance
h) tribal reaffiliation
i) thrifting for charm rough materials (i.e. golden computer brooch, like last time)

stay tuned for developments from the front (written in the cryptoBritish vernacular of the region)

SHS 4-eva ;)

happy SHS* everyone! i am just delerious with happiness and joy about how motherfucking hot it is today!

day one waitressing was totally fucking rad. i got to work for free for 8 hours AND learn all the really hard technical skills needed to serve people a plate of food. for instance, did you know what a quesadilla was? neither did i! how about ravioli? these were the hard questions i was faced with all day. the highlight was when a big black suited bodyguard asked me if the restauraunt served pancakes. pancakes at 11 am? fuck yeah! then, the biggest rockstar of all time was upon us. "miami" steve van zant of e street band fame! bruce springsteen you rock my world! seriously! tunnel of love? i fucking love that album! that undeniable timber of bruce springsteen's working class falceto gives me goosebumps every time. i sing that shit while i am building fucking furniture from IKEA. hammers and sweat, man, hammers and sweat (and diet coke? D/COKE).


the album starts off with a bang, with Ain't Got You. the rhythmic jamboree of the guitar leads us into bruce's whimsical take on love. the track is harrowing, really. kind of like a southern baptist preacher telling you about the virtues of a good soul or the benefits of the kindness you show your mother. bruce reels us in, in track 2, Tougher Than the Rest, where he tranforms the male idenetity, taking it to a more complex level, as he says, "maybe your other boyfriends couldn’t pass the test/ well if you’re rough and ready for love honey I’m tougher than the rest." here we see that masculinity is "rough and tough" but bruce is rough and tough for LOVE, not just as an expression of his male "machismo" personality. there are some light sweet hits that fill the middle of the album, more notably, Tunnel of Love, which really takes me back to the It's A Small World Ride at Disneyland (the only ride where i have truely felt love in a tunnel- is that a SWAN?). springsteen remains tender but tough the whole way through: in Two Faces he admits that he sometimes feels "two faced: like half a man". the sythesizer hook really captures the rapture of this contradiction, disonant and whiny, but fluid like a willow tree bending in the fall breeze. SASSY? BITTERSWEET? then we get to track 10, One Step Up. those lyrics really speak to my defeated yet brave memories of hope for the future. "we're the same old story thats a fact/one step up and two steps back." break my fucking heart why don't you? bruce, how can a working man be so sensetive to the perils of love and idealism in a world so full of cold metal hearts? all in all, this album is a precious slice of nostalgia for the now abandoned factory belt of america and the spirit that has left with it. well, bruce, thank you. thank you for your struggle and heroicism.

now this is what i call summer!

"kanke lekkere man, kanke lekkere."

*shity hot summer

cowbells chime

**#*#*wish list (inspired by my favorite h.w.w.b., cowbell!)*#*#**

* new head phones where the foam stuff isn't gnarly and ticklingly ragged

* no nightmares

* job that grabs me right in the morning, to erase nightmares

* durable nylon straps

* a magical photo connection to develop my eight rolls from my trip (cause it like dint happen unless i can show the pictures, right?!?

* lumber and a power drill for "home solutions"
* real health insurance

* money to buy books ((specif. 'the secret history,' and 'russian debutante's handbook,' any southern gothic 400p+))

* harachis 'n' hibatchis!!

* trainfare up north

* DD batteries/new bra

* time and distance submissive to my will

* TO BE CONTINUED

harbinger

The Song of the Stormy Petrel, Maksim Gorki, 1901

Over the gray flatness of the sea the wind is gathering storm-clouds. Between the clouds and the sea proudly soars the stormy petrel, as a streak of black lightning.

His wing touching the waves, now as an arrow shooting to the clouds, he screams, and — the clouds hear joy in the bird's proud cry.

In that cry — the lust of the storm! The power of anger, the flame of passion and certainty in victory the clouds hear in that cry.

The seagulls whimper before the storm, — whimper, are thrown about over the sea and are ready to hide their horror to its depths.

And the diver-birds also whimper, — the diver-birds cannot attain the joy of life's struggle: the thunder of lightning-bolts frightens them.

The foolish penguin cowardly hides its fat flesh in the rocks ... only the proud stormy petrel soars bold and free over the grey froth of the sea!

Ever darker and lower clouds drop to the sea, the waves singing and tearing themselves to pieces to meet the thunder.

Thunder rumbles. In a froth of anger moan the waves, fighting the wind. See the wind grab waves in a powerful embrace, and with a fling, smash them against the rocks, beating the emerald masses to drops and mist.

The stormy petrel soars with a scream, a streak of black lightning, as an arrow pierces the clouds, on wing-tip slicing the wave froth.

See him hover, like a demon — proud, black demon of the storm — he laughs, and cries ... he laughs atop the clouds, he cries with joy!

In the froth of anger — clever demon, — he has long heard weariness, he knows that the clouds won't defeat the sun — no, the sun will triumph!

The wind roars ... Thunder rumbles ...

The clouds burn as a blue flame over the sea's abyss. The sea catches arrows of lightning and in her depths snuffs them. As snakes of fire reflect those twisting bolts, vanishing.

— The storm! Soon will break the storm!

The bold stormy petrel proudly flies between the lightning and the frothing anger of the sea; now screams the prophet of victory:

— Let the storm burst forth in all fury!

ANTS that EAT TECHNOLOGY

where do these creatures come from and why do they hate technology so much?

worried forest

things to hate about the intricacies of democracy:
human rights
radicalism
free speech
beliefs stronger than law
freedom of movement
ability to disagree
unwieldy bureaucracy of legal systems

oh mr. bolton, your bold mustache, your tousled hair...

well, helloooooo mr. bolton. congratulations. it's about time isn't it? fuck those democrats. in fact, fuck the senate too. in 10 years hopefully, we'll have overhauled it to make room for the people that are really going to make a difference. they have no idea what's right for this country. they probably would have let saddam install al qaida in iraq before they went to war. liberal idiots. well, i'm sure you'll do amazing things for this country now that you are the ambassador to the UN. maybe you'll even start a few more wars (great for business, keep it up!) - in fact, i heard pyongyang calling you a pussy behind your back. you'll teach that fucker. communist piece of shit country can't even feed itself, "oh, yeah, we'll just try to be sustainable without participating in the global economy." look where they are now. just stick with it dude, and maybe you will do as awesome a job as our president. i love america! god bless!
so what's it going to be, COOL THING?

perhaps a new series of spaceship drawings is in order.